The Advetures of the Amazing Alfredo
by Honko-Mcbob
Summary: A Deranged Story Of a Guy named Alfredo?
1. Chapter 1: The Begining of the Quest

This Story and/or continuing series will most likely scare you and cause your brain to shrivel up and melt out your ears, unless you're wearing the recommended protective head gear made out of solid.Urainium, Weapons Grade actually. So unless you have NO brain, either way your brain's going to melt out of your ears reading this story.  
  
Disclaimer: Hi and welcome my Fic! I am the Writer and Owner of this Fic and the possibilities of a continuing series, I do not own any of the characters in this Fic, except Honko_Mcbob also I don't claim any of the characters in this Fic as my own, except again: Honko_Mcbob.  
  
Characters: Alfredo The Great, Izzy, Tentomon, Tai, Agumon, Sora, Biyomon, Scientist, Ehomba and Sima  
  
Alfredo the Great was walking down a small path in the middle of a Dark forest in the middle of an open plain that was in the center of a large meteor crater.  
  
"Hmmm, I wonder where this path leads to.. I've been following it for ten days now, and I haven't seem to have gotten very far.hmmm, very strange."  
  
Just then Alfredo heard a loud noise, and then screaming,  
  
"Help us, help us," The screams said  
  
"This seems like a Job for Alfredo the Great! I must get to those poor people over there"  
  
Alfredo ran as fast as he could, but he couldn't seem to get anywhere, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get one foot forward. At that very moment two mysterious figures popped out of the trees beside him.  
  
"Who are you?!?!?" Alfredo Exclaimed  
  
"We're your guardian angels!" Replied one of the two figures  
  
"Really?" A Hopeful Alfredo Asked  
  
"Ummm, How 'bout NO, you scrawny bastard" Commented the shorter of the pair  
  
"Then who are you?" demanded Alfredo " I demand to Know"  
  
"Do you really want to know?" The Taller one asked menacingly  
  
"Yes" replied Alfredo sheepishly  
  
"WE ARE.. Ehomba and Sima! The greatest duo that ever lived!"  
  
"If your so great, why are you in these blasted woods" Inquired Alfredo  
  
"Ummm.were lost," The two said embarrassingly  
  
"LOST, ahahaha that's the saddest thing I've ever heard! How could you be lost? These wood aren't even a mile long!" Alfredo Laughed Hysterically  
  
"A least we aren't stuck on a treadmill" Ehomba said  
  
"What!" Alfredo Screamed  
  
"Well, your standing right on it" said Sima, "We've been watching you for quite some time, Alfredo." he said with a perverted grin  
  
"Oh shut up you" Ehomba said and whacked Sima across the head "don't mind him, he's just gotten out of a trial on which he was convicted on five counts of being a peeping tom, He does fancy the company of other men though"  
  
"That was supposed to be OUR secret Ehomba" Sima Said Annoyingly  
  
"Oooook then, I think I'll just see if I'm on this treadmill of not."  
  
Upon looking down Alfredo saw the two black bars on the either side of him and the Treadmill under him.  
  
"DAMMIT, YOU MEAN TO TELL ME FOR TEN DAYS AND NO ONE TOLD ME THAT I WAS WALKING ON A TREADMILL!!!!!!"  
  
"We thought it was funny," they said  
  
"I didn't think it was funny," muttered Alfredo "Anyway, can you help me off this, I can seem to stop it" "Suuuurre" Said Sima  
  
And with that Sima walked over to the treadmill and pressed the big red button that clearly said "IF YOU ARE ON THIS TREADMILL, PUSH THIS BUTTON TO GET OFF" when Sima pressed it Alfredo was sent catapulted off clear into the next page.  
  
"I guess we should catch up to him." said Ehomba  
  
"No, lets wait in the bushes for another victim!" Responded Sima  
  
"No, you sick dolt, it clearly says in the storyline that we follow Alfredo" said Ehomba  
  
"There's a storyline, I thought this was just some idiot rendition of a poem" said Sima "I'm very Confused"  
  
"I'm sure you are." said Ehomba  
  
"Where is this SUPPOSED storyline, or better yet, where's the PLOT!" Said Sima Furiously  
  
"Its right here" said Ehomba  
  
"Where?" Demanded Sima  
  
"On the Treadmill" said Ehomba  
  
"Oh I see it now, but.. wait I know what your about to do" said Sima "No stop, don't do it Ehombaaaaaaa."  
  
But it was too late Ehomba pressed the button and sent Sima flying straight out in the next several pages.  
  
"Now, I guess I can Catch up with Alfredo"  
  
And with that he Ran off Down the Path.  
  
********  
  
"Do you think we should poke him with a stick?" Tai Inquired  
  
"I dunno, he looks dead enough," said Sora  
  
"I say we should check his pulse, for he may still be alive, however faintly" Said Izzy in his matter-of-factly  
  
"I dunno, but poking him with a stick seems like an awfully good way to do things" said Tai  
  
"But Tai, he could still be alive, just knocked unconscious!" exclaimed Izzy  
  
"I'm the leader and I say we poke him with a stick" said Tai  
  
"Wait a second, who made you the leader?" questioned Sora  
  
"Well, the T.V show did!" said Tai  
  
"But we aren't on the T.V show are we?" Sora said Interrogatingly  
  
"Ya! I thought we agreed that after we were retired from the T.V show, we were going to be in a Representative Government!" Yelled Izzy  
  
"No, I say I'm the Ruler and that I have all the power to make all the decisions!"  
  
"You mean like despotism?" Said Izzy.. again  
  
"Ya! Like despo.thingy, and another thing stop being so intelligent like!"  
  
"Never!" Cried Izzy, and then he smacked Tai in the face with his laptop  
  
"While all the arguing was going on, Sora sneaked off and started poking Alfredo with a stick  
  
"Guys, I think he's coming to!!" Yelled Sora  
  
"Meuh??" groaned Alfredo  
  
"Are you alright?" asked Sora  
  
"I'm fine" Said Alfredo  
  
"Well you shouldn't be, with that fall and all," said Tai  
  
"Oh well, that's the way these crazy, stupid fics are" replied Alfredo  
  
"Fic, what's a Fic, why are we in a Fic, how did we get here, when are we leaving?!?!?!" Rambled Sora  
  
"Ummm.forget I said anything," said Alfredo  
  
"Any who, why are you here?" asked Tai  
  
"I'm supposed to be rescuing some screaming children, know where they are?" asked Alfredo  
  
"Oh, um.. we are, but we were just practicing with our digimon, you know I we ever get back on T.V" said Tai  
  
"Like that's gonna happen" mumbled Alfredo  
  
"What did you say?" demanded Sora  
  
"Me?... Nothing, nothing at all" commented Alfredo "where are your digimon anyway?"  
  
"Their here somewhere." said Tai  
  
"Of Course were here, you idiot, and you call yourselves the Digidestined," said all the digimon, appearing from out of no where  
  
"Were retired actually.." Muttered Izzy  
  
"Whatever" said the digimon  
  
"Hey, where are those two that were following me back there?"  
  
"Were right here!" said Ehomba and Sima  
  
"Wha! How'd you get here?" cried all  
  
"Through the magic of the writer of course!" replied the pair  
  
"Writer? Who is this writer?" demanded Alfredo "He sounds like a crazy loon if all that's happened is his creation, Curse youuuuu!!!" Yelled Alfredo  
  
"WHO IS QUESTIONING MY POWER?" boomed a loud, commanding voice  
  
"Ummm, I am" said Alfredo  
  
"YOU MUST NOT QUESTION MY WRITING ABILITIES!" boomed the voice  
  
"Why not, I mean you story is full of errors and loopholes! Its horrible!" cried Alfredo  
  
"STILL, YOU MUST NOT QUESTION MY POWER!" boomed the voice  
  
"If you're so powerful why don't you show yourself?" said Tai  
  
"YOU WOULD BE SO AMAZED AT MY APPEARANCE YOUR HEAD WOULD EXPLODE!!!!" boomed the voice, even louder now  
  
"I doubt that," said Alfredo  
  
"FINE I WILL GRACE YOU WITH MY PRESENCE!" boomed the voice  
  
A loud groaning was heard and a bright beam of light with a figure descending from above came down then heavenly music started playing, everyone was awed by the appearance, that was until it all came grinding to a halt. The Music stopped and the beam faded out and the figure came crashing to the ground  
  
"Damn it! I still had 3 minutes left I that machine!" said the Writer "Curse you! That's the last time I ever leave a job to a faulty piece of crap!"  
  
"Your not as Glorious as I expected" said Alfredo  
  
"Ya, you have lots of pimples on you face" said Tai  
  
"And your kind of Fat" chimed Sima  
  
"Do you think that every writer is a perfect person with no faults whatsoever?" Said the Writer, brushing himself off "Besides, I still have all my powers that come with writing"  
  
"Like what?" said Alfredo sarcastically  
  
"Like this" said the writer  
  
The Writer snapped his fingers and all of a sudden Tha Kid appears  
  
"Wha? What the hell am I doing here?" said Tha Kid  
  
"Ooops wrong thing" said the writer, and with that he snapped his fingers and sent Tha Kid back to wherever she came from  
  
"Powers like this!" Exclaimed The Writer  
  
He then snapped his fingers and all of a sudden a scientist appeared  
  
"What's that all about?" asked Ehomba  
  
"I HAVE THE POWER TO CONTINUE THE STORYLINE!" boomed the writer  
  
*GASP! *  
  
"I am the evil mad scientist (Creative name eh?) That will destroy you all, mwahahahahahahaha!!!!"  
  
"We'll but a stop to this!" said the digimon  
  
"Tentomon Digivolve to.." "Agumon Digivolve to..." "Biyomon DigiVolve to."  
  
"Not so fast!" said the Evil mad scientist "I've got a secret weapon"  
  
What kind of evil weapon could stop us? This crazy group of people?" Asked Alfredo  
  
"I've got JENNIFER LOPEZ!!!!!" Cried the Evil mad scientist All of a sudden Jennifer Lopez appears and starts singing and dancing "Jenny from the block!"  
  
"Nooooooooo, its to unbearable!" cried all  
  
All of the digivices cracked, preventing digivolution, and therefore stop the digimon  
  
"I'm outta here," said the writer and with that he quickly ascended back to the sky  
  
When all seemed lost, with the entire group writhing in pain on the ground, something amazing happened, the Evil mad scientist went crazy! And turned into the Crazy Evil Mad Scientist or C.E.M.S for short  
  
C.E.M.S- "I'm so sick of you Jenny I'll destroy you right on this spot!"  
  
And with that he pulled out the Extra-Noisy, Explosive SPONGE CANNON!! And pulled the trigger  
  
"Pop" the cannon went  
  
"The Hell? What kind of gunfire sounds like, pop?" asked Alfredo  
  
"It should of gone BOOM! KABLOOIE!"  
  
"Writer, what's going on here?" whined Alfredo  
  
"I dunno.. I'll check" A loud thumping is heard, "Bob did you unplug the sound and visual effects machine again?"* Muttering is heard * "I told you Bob if you need to take a shower use the hose!" then a loud ZAP is heard, "that'll teach him" said the writer "It all fine now!"  
  
The Crazy Evil Mad Scientist pulls the trigger and the explosion sends J.LO flying into little bits  
  
C.E.M.S- "You'll see me again" and with that he jumped off the page  
  
"What was that all about?" asked The Digidestined  
  
"I really don't know," said Alfredo "Do you want to join our quest to get the original Digidestined back on T.V?" The D.D asked  
  
Alfredo looked at Sima, Sima Looked at Ehomba, Ehomba looked down at his feet, then back at Alfredo.  
  
"Sure, Why Not" said Alfredo  
  
"Then lets be on our way then" said Alfredo  
  
But before they could go anywhere Ehomba and Sima fell of the page.. And into eternal oblivion  
  
"Nooooooo!" cried Alfredo  
  
"Are you coming or not?" the D.D asked  
  
"Fine, I've got nothing better to do" responded Alfredo Darkly  
  
And they were on their way.  
  
Next Time on Alfredo's Adventures: The Attack of Bad Grammar!  
  
Read and Review!  
  
.And yes, I know it's horrible  
  
Honko_Mcbob  
  
  
  
Explanations:  
  
For those people out there that don't understand BIG WORDS here is a brief explanation:  
  
Despotism: government by a ruler who uses unlimited absolute authority to achieve his goals.  
  
Representative: a system of government in which appointed or elected agents act for a group of people. 


	2. Chapter 2: Attack of Bad Grammar!

This Story and/or continuing series will most likely scare you and cause your brain to shrivel up and melt out your ears, unless you're wearing the recommended protective head gear made out of solid.Urainium, Weapons Grade actually. So unless you have NO brain, either way your brain's going to melt out of your ears reading this story.  
  
Disclaimer: Hi and welcome my Fic! I am the Writer and Owner of this Fic and the possibilities of a continuing series, I do not own any of the characters in this Fic, except Honko_Mcbob also I don't claim any of the characters in this Fic as my own, except again: Honko_Mcbob.  
Today's Adventure:  
  
The attack of bad Grammar!  
  
We find our Group of people (Mainly digimon characters) walking along a path in the middle of a wide stretch of prairie, walking for many days they have been left thirsty, hungry and on the verge of cannibalism.  
  
"When are we going to get to the next rest stop?" questioned Tai  
  
"I don't Know, I don't live here!" Snapped Alfreado  
  
"Jeeessse.you don't have to bite off my head" muttered Tai "Its just that I have a headache from the fiasco with Jennifer Lopez"  
  
"I think we all do" said Biyomon, rubbing her head "Alfredo why are you being so Bitchy lately, that's all you've doing lately what's the problem???"  
  
"It's just that, Ehomba and Sima helped me out, when I was stuck on a treadmill.and then in the end they just go and fall off a page!" cried Alfreado "What makes me so great when I don't have sidekicks to boss around.."  
  
"Don't worry, I'm sure will find them, with proper precautions, of course" said Izzy  
  
"I'm tired of Precautions," moaned Sora, "Lets just go."  
  
"Yes.Lets" said Agumon mysteriously *rubs his chin*  
  
"Why not" said Alfreado  
  
And with that they ran off the path and into the plains  
  
Days Later.....  
  
"I'm soooooo Hungry" Moaned Alfreado "that Biyomon looks awfully tasty right now."  
  
"Alfreado..your looking at me funny..STOP IT" Cried Biyomon  
  
*Smack* Hits Alfreado Across the face  
  
"But I've heard that Baked Biyomon tastes so good!" moaned Alfreado  
  
"Well they're LIES! Everyone knows that fried cheese is much better," remarked Sora "And Tai, stop throwing your digivices at me!"  
  
*Fhump* Arrow hits Tai in the back of the head  
  
"Ahhhh!!! My beautiful face!!!" cried Tai "what will I do without it????"  
  
And with that Tai flopped to the ground writhing in the fact that is face had been split open by the arrow  
  
"Mmmmmmm..that corpse looks awfully tasty" muttered Alfreado  
  
"But without Tai, who will be our leader?!?!" exclaimed Sora  
  
"I will" Said Alfreado Boldly  
  
"But you've not a single leadership quality in you" said Agumon  
  
"I got us this far didn't I?" Said Alfreado Slyly  
  
""Actually we've been following these signs" said Izzy Matter-of-factly  
  
"Wha!?!?!?!?!? Where'd there come from" Cried Alfreado  
  
"Authoritive Power" Boomed a voice from above  
  
"Oh not you again" moaned Alfreado  
  
"Yes ME" Boomed the voice  
  
"O.K Can you help us then?" Inquired Alfreado  
  
"Ummm.No Not really, I've got writers cramp" said the voice embarrassingly  
  
"WRITERS CRAMP?!?!?!" cried Alfreado "How can you have writers cramp??, this story has no plot line, you've just had us wandering the plains for the last two pages?!?!"  
  
"Ummm.I didn't think you'd mention that.Ummm Gotta go.Bye Now." and with that the golden light and the booming voice left  
  
"Ohhh.. Why'd he have to leave, I was just getting used to his company.I'm so desperately lonely" Whined Alfreado  
  
"I'm sure something will happen, where not just going to let Tai rot out here" said Sora " I never told him but I'm so desperately in love with him"  
  
"Haha..Your in love with a dead Guy.." Chanted Alfreado  
  
"Well.you have NO friends" cried Sora  
  
"That Hurt" Moaned Alfredo  
  
"Shows You" Said Sora  
  
"Just for that, I'm eating Biyomon" said Alfreado  
  
"No, not my only companion" cried Sora  
  
But it was too late Alfreado summoned up powers he temporarily stole from the author while he was in the bathroom.he called down lightning and an plague of Black Mushrooms and Biyomon was killed instantly, reduced to a pile of rotten, black apples that wouldn't even be fit for a pie for hobo's  
  
"NO..BIYOMON!!!" cried Sora  
  
"Mwahahahaha" Laughed Alfreado "I can Be SO maniacal when I want to!" "Why..Why did it have to be Biyomon and not me" sobbed Sora  
  
"Get over yourself" muttered Alfreado  
  
"Wait a sec" said Alfreado  
  
"What?" Inquired Izzy  
  
Back on the first Page.." mumbled Alfredo as if in his own little dream world "Tai got his in the back of the head and yet he still cried about his face"  
  
"This can only mean one thing..." said Izzy  
  
"What?" Demanded Sora  
  
FLASHBACK!!!  
  
*Fhump* Arrow hits Tai in the back of the head  
  
"Ahhhh!!! My beautiful face!!!" cried Tai "what will I do without it????"  
  
And with that Tai flopped to the ground writhing in the fact that is face had been split open by the arrow  
  
"Lets go look at the corpse" said Alfreado  
  
As they all gathered around the corpse, and noticed something shiny on the back of his head  
  
*gasp*  
  
"Tai.. Was a robot all along." Muttered Sora  
  
"Ha ha ha.." Chucked Agumon Evilly " You FOOLS, that was his plan all along. he was going to get you lost in a desert, and then kill you and become ruler of the world!!!"  
  
"Ummm.Killing us would accomplish much...were not that important" Said Alfreado"  
  
"You have to think of the big picture.if he killed Alfreado he would get the Authoritive powers that he has and could rule the Fic!" Boomed Agumon  
  
"But.I got the powers after he died." said Alfreado  
  
"...That's beside the point" said Agumon " Now I must finish the job  
  
The digivice on Tai's corpse started flashing and Agumon Digivolves into Greymon  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHA" Greymon Boomed and stomped the ground hard.sqiuishing Sora "Your next" He boomed as he turned to Alfreado  
  
Then all of a sudden the Digivice started beeping and a message scrolled across the screen displaying "LOW BATTERY"  
  
"NOOOOOOO, THIS CAN'T HAPPEN!!!" cried Greymon  
  
And with that he shrunk into a blob as started rolling away, coincidentally, there was a motorcycle right by the blob, so he got on it and started riding away, cackling evilly  
  
"Alfreado he's getting away" Commented Izzy  
  
"Like hell he is" Said Alfredo coolly and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a magnum, aimed pointed, said "BURN IN HELL, THIS IS FOR THE MAN IN THE WHITE SHIRT!" and fired, several times. Normally the blob would have been immune, but one bullet hit him right is his spleen, he's weak point, he fell off, and the motorcycle went speeding off until it hit a small pebble on the side of the path and blew up!  
  
"Well that was strange.." Muttered Tentomon  
  
"Well we better get going!" said Alfreado  
  
"Wait a second, what if we take apart Tai and make a radio!" Cried Izzy  
  
"Why Not?" said Alfreado  
  
Hours later...  
  
"Well we worked for 16 hours but we finally did it, we built a radio" said Izzy  
  
"Lets try it" said Alfreado  
  
They turned it on and delivered a massive electrical shock to a nearby cactus  
  
"HOLY SHIT!" Screamed Alfreado "Last time I ever let you build anything"  
  
"I had it so perfect though..." Izzy muttered  
  
Then there was a loud rumbling sound and props started appearing, then followed by strange music  
  
"The Hell??!?!?!?" Jumped Alfreado  
  
Then out of nowhere Jeff Probst Appears!  
  
"Are you ready to play survivor?" he Inquired  
  
"Ummmm, no" said Alfreado  
  
"Too bad" said Jeff "Now for the first immunity challenge, who ever can hump a wild boar the longest doesn't get killed"  
  
"Wha!?!?!" Cried Izzy "THAT'S INSANE!!!!"  
  
"Oh your gonna do it" Jeff said Threateningly  
  
"And whets going to make me!" taunted Izzy  
  
"THIS" Cried Jeff *Pulls out a large Needle* "This Needle contains WATER!"  
  
*Gasp*  
  
"Yes, you all know that as computer simulated Images, or Pictures on Paper, either way water will get you killed!" Cackles Jeff "Now on to the challenge"  
  
"Brings out several wild boars all Large, Snorting and Horny  
  
*Challenge Starts*  
  
"So far" says Jeff "All contestants have Humped for about 3 Minutes, How long can that last?" *Look's at watch* "I know the boars can, they've been injected with VIAGRA!"  
  
"Ewwww.Even I wouldn't think of that" groans a loud Booming voice  
  
Minutes Later...  
  
"whootsie, yuppity whooha"  
  
"They've been going at it for an amazing 10 minutes...WHO WILL GIVE UP?"  
  
"Pst! Tentomon!" whispered Alfreado "Quick, Zap Jeff and we'll make it out of here"  
  
"Umm, ok."  
  
"Well its been 12 minutes, but it looks like.AH, *ZAP* ARG!, its too painful! Niiimm!!!..." Cried Jeff  
  
"Run Away!" Cried Alfreado  
  
"What, you're just going to leave me here!" cried Izzy  
  
"Well, that's the way it seems," cried back Alfreado  
  
"You're not going anywhere" Said Jeff Evilly  
  
"What are you doing with that needle..WHAT!?!? NO..NOT THERE..... NOOOOOOOOO...*Splat*" Cried Izzy  
  
HE GOT INGECTED WITH WATER! Causing him to swell and explode!  
  
"Well, looks like that's the end of him.." Said Alfreado  
  
"I'll get you next time Alfreado!...." Jeff Cried in the distance  
  
Just then Alfreado heard some strange sounds, from high up above..., "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" *Fhwump* Two figures emerged from the dust, none other than EHOMBA and SIMA!  
  
EHOMBA! SIMA! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?!?!?!" Cried Alfreado Ecstatically  
  
"Actually, it's a long story" said Ehomba  
  
"We've got ALL day," said Alfreado  
  
"Well, when we fell of the page, we discovered that it was a new form of traveling, we visited many new fics and stories, then we jumped off a page and POOF we landed here" Explained Ehomba  
  
"Yes, we visited many places,." said Sima Pervertedly  
  
"SHUT UP YOU!" yelled Ehomba  
  
"Weel, if didn't I not say it be that what have me say?" said Sima  
  
"Happen to our voices, what now!" inquired Alfreado  
  
"Me not know, my grammar ain't being very good not?" said Ehomba \  
  
"Punctuation, be bad too?" said Sima  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHA" came of voice from the ground, then out of nowhere a large sheet of paper, followed by a question mark appeared  
  
"You are what now!" said Alfredo  
  
WE are bad grammar and punctuation, we control your words and warp them as we please!"  
  
"My OH?!" said Alfreado  
  
"Get away with wont you get!!!" Yelled Sima  
  
Me ain't gonna never let you become more better that ME" yelled Ehomba  
  
"Too Late" said Bad Grammar and continued warping there words, soon it was hard to tell what they where saying, what with bad punctuation thrown in  
  
"Me not going. To be! Slave to Nevering? Blob, Thingy?" Alfreado Mumbled  
  
"No chance there is us for!" said Sima  
  
But just then a Band of wandering hillbillies came to the rescue  
  
"You folks needen some of ours halp?"  
  
The Bad Grammar Flinched  
  
"Needing Help: needen, be Are?" Said Alfreado  
  
"Alright's then, lets go corn the chicken and skin the mongoose!" said the Hillbilly  
  
The Bad Grammar started shaking  
  
"Get's away you bad grammar thingy, before I take out my big boomy stick gun!" the Lead Hillbilly said  
  
The Bad Grammar was on its knees now, "Please, stop ill do anything, my powers have no effect on you"  
  
"I wons't be stopping till you an' your folks are stoppin' the bickern' and gone back to the ways you came in from!" Sprayed out the Hillbilly  
  
"ACK!!, TOO MUCH BAD GRAMMAR, TOO MUCH CAN'T TAKE IT WHAAAAA!!!!" the bad grammar wailed, it got smaller and smaller until I was no bigger that a toothpick, Ehomba picked it up and stiffed it in his pocket  
  
"Never know when we'll be needing this" said Ehomba  
  
"You folks needen' a ride outta this here parts?" inquired the Hillbilly  
  
"Actually yes.." Said Alfreado  
  
"The Hop aboard" said the Hillbilly  
  
And with that they were on there way out of the prairies and on to the next chapter..  
  
TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!  
  
*No Actual People were harmed in the making of this Fic, with the exception of the writer's neck, as the computer screen is REALLY high up on the desk! 


	3. Chapter 3: Clash of the Titans

This Story and/or continuing series will most likely scare you and cause your brain to shrivel up and melt out your ears, unless you're wearing the recommended protective head gear made out of solid.Urainium, Weapons Grade actually. So unless you have NO brain, either way your brain's going to melt out of your ears reading this story.  
  
Disclaimer: Hi and welcome my Fic! I am the Writer and Owner of this Fic and the possibilities of a continuing series, I do not own any of the characters in this Fic, except Honko_Mcbob also I don't claim any of the characters in this Fic as my own, except again: Honko_Mcbob  
  
Hello, This is a Disclaimer for this chapter only, this is a chapter that is a satirical Canadian view on the War with Iraq, anyone who might take offence can leave now, I do not mean to hurt your feelings but here it goes anyway  
  
Americans Read at your own risk  
Don't say I didn't warn you.....  
This is your last chance.....  
Turn back now..........  
Ok since you haven't turned back by now you obviously wasn't to read the Fic so here it is  
  
"Here we are in the back of a Hillbillies wagon waiting as time passes us by," muttered Alfreado  
  
"I know it hard but if we can sit tight we can make it, even through this bluegrass music playing" Said Sima "Its soo agitating, I want to rip out my spleen"  
  
"You wouldn't do that," said Ehomba  
  
"No you're right" said Sima  
  
Bluegrass music plays in Background * Well you just be takin your lovin and goin to the trailin and a bouncin an' a boppin and a rockin till the wee hours of the morn'! *  
  
"I can't take it anymore!" said Tentomon 'ARGGGGG"  
  
And with that he hopped out of the back of the wagon  
  
"Wait, he can't do that," said Ehomba who jumped out after him  
  
"Well I'm not staying with the strange one," said Alfreado and he hopped out too  
  
"Well there could be some 'Interesting' sights on the way" said Sima Pervertedly and he hopped out last  
  
As they all landed in roughly the same area they regrouped, and observed their surroundings, they noticed they weren't in the prairies anymore, the landscape was cold and snowy with brown snow, and the signs all had a maple leaf on it. They Ran back for the Hillbilly but it was too late, a Cruse Missile hit the wagon and it exploded into a fiery fireball, the horse just looked at the wagon stunned and then burst into flames.  
  
And the last words out of the Hillbilly echoed across the land  
  
"HE'YUCK!!!!!"  
  
"Well that was strange." Muttered Alfreado  
  
"I agree," said Ehomba  
  
"Where are we" said Sima  
  
"I believe we are in what some call Can-a-da" said Tentomon  
  
"CANADA?!?!" Alfreado freaked out "how can we be there?? I always thought Canada was a state in the United States"  
  
"No I believe it is a COUNTRY north of the U.S," said Ehomba " And I'm proud to say I AM CANADIAN!"  
  
YaY  
  
"Anywho what difference Does it make if were in Canada?" Said Sima  
  
"I dunno, I just never liked the concept of Free Healthcare I guess,." said Alfreado  
  
"You'll Get over it" said Tentomon  
  
Just then there was a rumbling, and as the group looked around they saw a fierce sight hundreds of American Tanks going straight for them! Then they turned the other way to another not so fierce some sound  
  
"Clunk, Wheeze, Put-tut-Pssssshhh, Gasp"  
  
"Look the Canadian Military has come to save us" said Sima  
  
But before the Army got there half of the tanks broke down, the sea kings crashed and the rest were blown up by Cruise Missiles  
  
"AHHHH, Were royally Screwed!!!" screamed Alfreado  
  
"Yes, now Canada has fallen to the Vast American Army," said a familiar voice "It will too join the ranks of 'Terrorists'"  
  
Everyone turned again only to see GEORGE W. BUSH!  
  
"But Mr. Bush why?" said Ehomba  
  
"I dunno, I guess I was Bored, I already have Iraq, Iran, North Korea so now I had to go for our northern neighbors" said W.  
  
"That's no reason, what did Canada ever do to you?" said Sima  
  
"Ummm, they didn't really do anything, but they could...Ummm they could throw maple syrup at us, ya, that's it, I can't have Canada's Maple Syrup flow uncontrolled"  
  
"OOOOOOK" said Alfreado  
  
"But now..AHHHH Canada's secret weapon" said George  
  
And with that all the Genetically Altered maple leave attacked the Americans and fended them away, leaving Canada forever  
  
"YaY we won!" said Alfreado  
  
And with that he Poked Ehomba and started laughing  
  
"How dare you poke me!" said Ehomba  
  
"Why not, I am the Poke GOD, Mwahahahaha" Cackled Alfreado  
  
"NO I AM" Boomed a Voice  
  
And with that the POKE GOD (Tha Kid) appeared  
  
"I have granted myself godly powers stretching form my Fic to yours!!! Mwahahahaha"  
  
And with that she Poked all of the Characters freezing them until the author changed it and then she went to the door that said "do not enter" and entered it and poked the turn off Fic button  
  
-ZAP-  
  
Narrator: Umm what happened?  
  
Honko_Mcbob: Now look what you did you turned off the manual override Fic switch  
  
Tha Kid: I know! I am So Devious Whahahaha! -Poke-  
  
Honko_Mcbob: Ow! Don't do that, those hurt especially the ones in the ribs  
  
Tha Kid: I know that's why I AM THE POKE GOD!  
  
Honko_Mcbob: Well when I get this Fic turned back on your going to be so sorry  
  
Tha Kid: Like you ever will  
  
Narrator: well what are we supposed to do stand here in the blackness of nothingness and wait?  
  
Honko_Mcbob: Yep!  
.....  
........  
Narrator: Found the Switch yet?  
  
Honko_Mcbob: Nope  
.......  
Honko_Mcbob: Found It!  
  
-Click-  
  
Whoooooop ZING!  
  
Booming voice: Now Tha Kid you shall have no powers and you shall DIE as I Honko_Mcbob am the supreme author!  
  
"Who are you?" questioned Alfreado  
  
"Im Tha Kid" said Tha Kid triumphantly  
  
"I don't think you will be for long" said Tentomon "You got the Creator very angry"  
  
"Now you must step outside," the Booming Voice said  
  
"But Why?" Tha Kid said  
  
"Do it!" boomed the voice  
  
As Tha Kid stepped outside a flock cows with wings fashioned of brass flew over and crushed her with Cow Patties  
  
"Oh no you killed her!" said Alfreado  
  
"No I didn't" boomed the voice  
  
"Ugh" said Tha Kid as she crawled out of her pile "That was Gross"  
  
"Now for the Next" said the Voice  
  
And just then Tha Kid was impaled on A Giant Katana  
  
"And the Next"  
  
And Rock fell on her head  
  
"And the Next"  
  
The Ground opened up and swallowed Tha Kid up  
  
"Now for a stranger one"  
  
"What's that bright light coming closer" Inquired Tha Kid  
  
The Tha Kid was hit by Hailey's Comet  
  
"Now for the Last two"  
  
"Ack! I Believe I'm Digivolving into Kabuterimon" Said Tentomon  
  
And with that He transformed into the giant Flying Insect that was Kabuterimon and stepped on Tha Kid with his Massive foot and crushed her. He then went back to Tentomon  
  
"GAH, MAKE IT STOP!" Pleaded Tha Kid  
  
"No, and now for the last and most brutal" boomed the Voice  
  
A small clear box appeared around Tha Kid that sucked out all the Air to start suffocation, filled with water to drown and sprinkled with Gas to poison  
  
"Gahhhhhhh" screamed Tha Kid  
  
Then the Box disappeared and Tha Kid, one again reincarnated appeared  
  
"Now, I shall smite you for good with the force you claim to control" boomed the voice  
  
And with that a Giant Hand swooped down and poked the Poke God  
  
"NOOOOOOO" yelled Tha Kid And with that Tha Kid (The Poke God) Shattered into a Million Pieces and was no more  
  
And the Group was on the sidelines eating popcorn  
  
Then a Travel kiosk popped up beside the shattered remains and they went over  
  
"Hey, lets go to Raccoon City!" said Alfreado  
  
"Sure, I've heard the Folks down there like tourists so much they could eat them up," said Ehomba  
  
They all laughed and booked a bus to Raccoon City  
  
It will be a fun time, or will it??? You Resident Evil fans no what I'm talking about  
  
_____________________________________________________________ Tune In Next time to see how the Group stands up in the hoards of Raccoon City!  
  
Read and Review!  
Cough *I need $4199 for a New Computer*, I MEAN the ME fund (Middle Eastern fund) those kids in the middle east are without my patented Bomb-Spray spray it once and it interferes with a bomb or missiles guidance system and it bounces off them harmlessly and on to lesser objects Like rocks, right beside them.  
  
Spray may not actually work 


	4. Chapter 4: Vacation to Raccoon City

This Story and/or continuing series will most likely scare you and cause your brain to shrivel up and melt out your ears, unless you're wearing the recommended protective head gear made out of solid.Urainium, Weapons Grade actually. So unless you have NO brain, either way your brain's going to melt out of your ears reading this story.  
  
Disclaimer: Hi and welcome my Fic! I am the Writer and Owner of this Fic and the possibilities of a continuing series, I do not own any of the characters in this Fic, except Honko_Mcbob also I don't claim any of the characters in this Fic as my own, except again: Honko_Mcbob  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Today we find our hero's on a clunky bus headed straight to Raccoon City on Interstate 45 going 300 km an hour. You may think that's kinda fast, but this is my fic, so you don't get a say. Plus we get to see how our group stands up to zombies! (Setting combines Resident Evil 1,2 and parts from the movie)  
  
"So, where you guys all from?" Asked the bus driver  
  
"Oh I dunno, we don't really keep track of it all, people just kind of appear" Said Alfreado  
  
"You do know that Raccoon city has a travel advisory on it, and I'm obliged to tell you about it" said the bus driver  
  
"Wasn't that Toronto?" Inquired Izzy  
  
"No, that's with SARS, and their doing very well with it" said Alfreado Triumphantly  
  
"Ya, but Raccoon city has some sort of SARS-like illness, where you go crazy and eat people!" said the Bus driver  
  
"Oh well, I've been to many place's where you "eat" other people" said Sima peevishly  
  
"God do you ever stop!" exclaimed Izzy  
  
"No, Not really" said Sima  
  
"Well, anywho, where getting near the City now" said the Bus Driver  
  
"Wait a sec, there's a guy on the side of the road! HOLDING A BUS TICKET!!!" exclaimed the driver  
  
The bus screeched to a halt and let the passenger on, his face was quite deformed, and he was missing an arm  
  
"Hi, my names Joe!" said..well..Joe..  
  
"HI JOE!" said all  
  
"Before I do anything I have to do this, and he bit the bus driver in the neck, and exclaimed I Vant to Suck your Blood! Blah!" said Joe "Wait wrong story, I just had to do that though, I love to eat blood!"  
  
And they just kept on driving...  
  
-Cinematic from the beginning of Resident Evil Two-  
  
"Driving down the interstate, into a Zombie infested city is my kinda life!" exclaimed Leon  
  
Just then the door of one of the doors of a building burst open and a young lady runs out  
  
"Last time I have trust a Zombie for a good Time!" said Claire, nursing a wound  
  
"Hop in" said Leon  
  
"Sure" said Claire "Can you take me to the hospital?"  
  
"Of course"  
  
And they drove off...  
  
During the ride...  
  
"Soo, where you from" inquired Leon  
  
"I'm from out of town, I came looking for my brother Chris, and he mysteriously disappeared  
  
"Ah, I see" said Leon "Open the glove compartment"  
  
"Why?" wondered Claire  
  
"Just do it" pressured Leon  
  
"Ok, Ok" said Claire  
  
She opens it, inside is a CONDOM!  
  
"Ok, give it to me" said Leon  
  
-They start fooling around in the back seat-  
  
Meanwhile on the bus...  
  
"Bus driver, you look ill." commented Alfredo  
  
"Maybe I am! WHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!" and with that the bus driver went crazy and drove into a lamppost, in front of a rocking police cruiser, starting a large fire  
  
"Why'd you have to go spoil our fun?" whined Leon  
  
"What were you doing in a zombie infested city at night!" accused Alfreado  
  
"I just got here" said Leon  
  
"Me too" said Claire  
  
"Well, just stay out of our way and you'll be fine" said Ehomba  
  
"Fine" said Leon, and with that he stomped off, with Claire  
  
"What was that all about?" Asked Joe  
  
"Craziness" said Tentomon  
  
"Anyway, according to the tourist brochure, the police station is worth a visit" said Sima  
  
"Lets go!" cried Alfreado  
  
-They arrive at the police station-  
  
"Oh my" said Izzy "All the doors are locked"  
  
"That can be solved with our little friend the Credit Card!" said Sima  
  
"But Sima, all the doors are electronically locked!" Said Izzy  
  
"Fine then" said Sima, walks over to computer and turns it on-  
  
-PLEASE INSERT PROPER DISC/CODE TO UNLOCK ALL DOORS-  
  
"How about this" said Sima Inserts Credit card  
  
-HAHA, YOUR MONEY IS NO GOOD HERE YOU STUPID HUMAN-  
  
"How about you open the doors or I'll type in a code so vile you'll implode!" said Sima  
  
-IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A FIGHT, YOU FOUND IT-  
  
"Try me you stupid machine!" said Sima  
  
With that a large electric shock hits Sima  
  
"YOU, YOU STUPID MACHINE!!!" exclaimed Sima  
  
-HAHA-  
  
"Take this" said Sima -Picks up large rock, and hit computer on the monitor and hard drive then takes computer and throws it over the counter-  
  
With a flickering fizzly screen -POINT___TAKEN____UNLOCKING____ALL_____DOORS______ -  
  
"That's better" said Sima  
  
All the doors become unlocked, and they all walk triumphantly into the Crazy Chiefs secret dungeon office  
  
"What are you doing here!" exclaimed Deformed Chief  
  
"Where here on vacation" said Alfreado  
  
"Well, if you want to see good sights, travel the sewers!" said the Chief  
  
"Ok" said Alfreado  
  
-They head through the sewers battling the giant spiders and such, greeting all the zombies  
  
"They just don't understand, what its like to be Morbidly Challenged" said Zombie #1  
  
"That's why we eat them" said Zombie #2  
  
"I see" said Alfreado  
  
They finally meet up with Claire and Leon, in the secret lab, just as they triggered they self-destruct sequence!  
  
"Lets get out of here!" cried Leon  
  
"Yes lets" said Alfreado  
  
"Quickly to the secret elevator!" said Alfreado  
  
-They hop in, but don't hold the door for Leon, they die in the explosion-  
  
-They end up at the mansion, outside of raccoon city-  
  
"Well, this seems like a nice place to stay" said Alfreado  
  
"Yes, your right" said Ehomba "and its one of those, if you can survive the night, the stay is free!"  
  
YaY  
  
-Inside the mansion-  
  
Zombie owner- would you like to stay at Mansion du Death?  
  
"Yes, yes we would," said Alfreado  
  
"Bell boy!" yelled the Zombie  
  
Licker walks in  
  
"Yes?" said the Licker, named Bob  
  
"Take the guests to there rooms" said the Zombie Owner  
  
"Right this way" says the Zombie Dog  
  
-They enjoy at fitful nights rest and wake up the next morning-  
  
"Well, lets go look at the basement," said Alfreado  
  
"Yes, lets," said Izzy  
  
When they get to the basement they go down a hallway with cris-crossing lights on the walls  
  
"I wonder where they go the light fixture from?" said Izzy  
  
"Yes, me too" said Ehomba  
  
All of a sudden the walls charge up and a Zombie Appears in front of them  
  
"Would you like to see the wonders of the modern laser wall?" inquired the Zombie charismatically, like a salesman  
  
"Not, really" said Izzy  
  
"Well..TOO BAD!" said the zombie and he turned on the wall  
  
"What does it do?" said Sima  
  
"You just had to ask didn't you?" scorned Ehomba  
  
"I'm quite glad you asked my friend," said the Zombie "Why it Slices, It dices, It even make s PIE!"  
  
"Mmmmmmm, Pie" murmured Alfredo  
  
As the wall zapped across the room, it sliced up the Zombie Salesperson and that was the end of that  
  
"Well that was strange,." said Alfreado  
  
"I agree," said Izzy  
  
"Well, lets go to the last room before we leave the city for good" said Ehomba  
  
Inside they find the computer, the same one that Sima Beat up staring at them manically!  
  
-WELL, WELL, WELL WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?-  
  
":Uh oh" said Ehomba  
  
-GET THEM MINIONS!-  
  
and with that hundreds of Zombies pinned them down and the computer took Alfreado's Ultimate Game disc of Power!! -Then they ran away-  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO, The disc was my source of power!!!" cried Alfreado  
  
"Don't worry, the company will probably replace it!" said Izzy  
  
"Your right" said Alfreado, and with that he took Izzy's computer and emailed the company  
  
This was the e-mail he got back  
  
-I'm Sorry, but the company your trying to reach has been taken over by the beat up little computer from raccoon city have a nice day-  
  
"NOOO" cried Alfreado "Wait, I remember that in a far away place there is a replacement disc of ultimate power, the company would mail it to me, but it was taken over.."  
  
'We must go there then" said Ehomba  
  
"Yes" said Izzy  
  
"Don't forget us," said Tentomon, Sima and Joe the Zombie  
  
So off they went In search of the Replacement Disc of ultimate power  
  
Read and Review!  
  
I do hope the Xbox comes down in Price, then I can buy one!  
  
-Honko_Mcbob 


End file.
